When you are a lady, and associate with other ladies, eventually you will either be forced to attend, or worse, forced to organize a baby shower for one of your many lady friends.
These things are weirdly sex-segregated excuses for the knocked-up to extort presents from their friends, and are one of my least favorite kinds of parties. The stupid games do not make up for the lack of booze, and the dearth of men seems unfair. After all, most babies are still made with sperm delivered the old-fashioned way, are they not? If we can't do away with the antiquated baby shower tradition, we might as well spread the pain around.
So, in lieu of banishing baby showers and all they represent (a culture where motherhood is the be-all end-all of a woman's life, where the drudgery of child-rearing is still primarily women's work, where even "accidental" fetuses are greeted as if a glorious blessing), I give you this amusing video about how annoying pregnant women are:
A caveat: This clip fails to make fun of a big ol' demographic of annoying dads-to-be, not to mention a whole swath of annoying actual dads. My hunt for parodies of fatherhood shall continue.
But I TOTALLY LOVE pregnant women and baby showers!!!!! I think pregnant women and babies are about the best things in the whole world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI love pregnant women when they're women I know and love already. I don't love them any more or any less than I did before they got pregnant.* What I find weird about pregnant women and babies in general is that people, especially female people, are expected to fall to pieces and drool all over themselves every time they see a pregnant woman or a ... See Morebaby under the age of 2 or 3, regardless of how well they know the expectant mother and/or her offspring.
ReplyDeleteI, for one, feel really uncomfortable when a co-worker I barely know brings her newborn into the office and expects me to ooh and ahh and ask to hold it. It's just weird and crosses my personal boundaries, but I'm the one left feeling like a freak while every other woman in the office crowds around as if they'd never seen a baby before. I love meeting my friend's and family's children, but strangers or near-strangers I'll happily pass on.
* Although it could be argued that I love them slightly less when they're pregnant due to their propensity to talk about nothing but themselves for nine months, and thereafter nothing but poop and themselves. I guess I don't LOVE them less, I just get annoyed with them MORE.
LOL!!! Some of us crazy women just love all pregnant people and babies! I can remember when I was 4 or 5 "delivering" babies constantly. I will see random strangers on the street with their big pregnant bellies and just think how beautiful they are! BUT, not everyone is crazy like me, so it's okay to not like the whole thing!!!! I like the whole birth process too and I've been to 2 births for complete strangers! (3 births for people I know.)
ReplyDeleteAs someone who's tried to get pregnant and was unable...I look at pregnancy a little differently than you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. For me, baby showers make me annoyed and petulant. If I were in your situation, they would break my heart.
ReplyDeleteI love you Sarah.. and from this pregnant chick.. I'm tired and my brain isn't functioning properly.. I do love children and I love gagging over babies because they are so innocent and cute..
ReplyDeleteBut surprisingly I do have to agree with you over the baby shower thing.. I think one shower is a great way to get gifts for a mom who is not sure what to expect with their first baby.. but continuous showers just makes me quiver with annoyance.. It does bring out the worst and very selfish ways in a lot of women.. but then again maybe its because its the Grandmother that does most of the spoiling at a shower and as I don't have that kind of mother to buy me lots of pretty expensive items and that gloats over every baby so I feel left out.
You know, I've been to two baby showers in the last year and they both had booze and plenty of men. You should tell your preggo friends to join the 21st century. I feel for you on the co-worker thing. Luckily, as a man I'm only obligated to wave at a baby and act uncomfortable. No one expects me to want to hold it or anything.
ReplyDeleteSomeday, you might become the first woman in the history of the world to have a baby.
ReplyDeleteSarah, I agree that it is an antiquated, and from a male's perspective, strange tradition. I've only attended one baby shower. I was asked to take photos of the celebration, so in a sense, I was a sort of cultural anthropologist. I kept quiet, and in the shadows during the shower for two reasons: 1) I was the only male in the house, 2) I didn't know hardly anyone there.
ReplyDeleteI won't diminish their celebration, as odd and embarrassing as some of those activities were. I will say, however that I do agree with a few things you have written. First, the dearth of men is unsettling. Why so exclusive? Is not the man/husband/father going to be a part of that child's life? Second, child bearing as the pinnacle moment of a woman's life. I think women can do wonderful things in their lives that lead them to complete personal success and happiness without having a baby. But it depends on where one places the importance. Some women strive (and unfortunately are unsuccessful) to have a child, and that it is what makes their lives complete. Others aren't so concerned. There should be respect on both sides, and no assumptions that just because you're a woman your sole purpose is to procreate and bear all the responsibilities of rearing the child.
I could go on for days, but I'll leave it at that. I was thinking of posting some jokes that I know you would appreciate, but I'll save it for another time. Thank you for your post, Sarah. I've always enjoyed your forthright honesty. :)
Agreed. cant stand pregnant women, the culture of pregnancy or baby showers.I mean seriously, as a bystander you are required to be happy even if you think that the pregnant lady is a moron and should not be procreating.... again.... which is why I didnt have a shower for bram and wont be getting pregnant ever again.
ReplyDeleteWerd.
ReplyDeleteThis topic is a very interesting one. I have many, many views on this. For me, pregnancy is scary and unknown, and that basically shapes the way I think about it.
ReplyDeleteThe one baby shower I went to was more a celebration with friends and family than a woman's Tupperware meeting. We had father, mother, grandparents, and any friends who wanted to come. Some of us brought gifts, and some of us didn't. That was a baby shower that I could relate to, and enjoyed.
If I have a baby someday (which I would like to when the time is right), I will have a baby shower just like the one I described where anyone I care for is welcome to attend, and if they'd like to present a gift I will welcome them with open arms.
I personally have had many negative feelings towards women and their babies. Many women these days seem to have a sense of entitlement after having a baby. I don't feel this same resentment from my peers who have had kids, mostly from the women who are older than me, or way younger than me. It's as if they are thinking, "I've had a baby, now I'm a mom, now I'm part of a special club and you have no idea what it's like being me". It's hard for me to articulate what I mean, but I think people probably understand.
-my two cents
been 2 a few co-ed showers still felt stuffy and forced didn't have one myself either
ReplyDeleteeah.. there are some women that have that entitlement feeling.. and I remember them gloating it over me before I had my own kids.. Now.. I'm just thankful to make it through each day and I pray hard that I make a good mother and that my kids will grow up healthy and happy..
ReplyDeleteAmen to that! Just to have a good day with mine is all I want
ReplyDeleteI nearly spit my tea all over my laptop watching that video! I'm with you Sarah! It’s just fantastic when a coworker brings a baby into the office and looks at you like you have a severe mental problem when you politely decline to hold her offspring.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, it is impossible to politely decline to hold someone’s child. Everyone looks at you with at least one raised eyebrow as if they’re collectively thinking, “…but you hold your stapler all the time, doesn’t my child mean more to you than your stapler?!” Well, it’s not like I carry multiple changes of clothing in the car in case my stapler leaks something on me, and lets not forget that the last time my pen leaked on me it found itself relocated to the trash can. It’s even better though when a male coworker gathers ‘round and says with a twinkle in his eye, “You’ll be next! How many do you want?” I’m not sure if my deer in the headlights look properly conveyed my mental seizure.
Of course I want to meet the children of close friends and family (once at least, depending on how loudly they can scream), but being asked to hold a stranger’s baby, for me, is a little like being asked if I’d like to hug a perfect stranger on the street and then please pretend to be enchanted when he or she spits up on me. It’s just… uncomfortable.
@Tim Instead of pestering my friends to change their baby-showerin' ways (which pestering would surely lead to being asked to help plan the darn things), I think I will just sneak a flask in to spike the Orangeade.
ReplyDelete@JoAnna Please, please bring your chill'uns to my mom's office. They'd cheer her up, and proxy-grandmotherhood might satiate her need for me to breed for a bit and give you a bit of the ol' gloating attention. :)
@Dawn "Culture of pregnancy" nails it right on the head.
@Anthony That's an awfully big word for a 7-year-old.
@Rozi Yes, exactly! Your analogy is pure genius.
@Rob I doubt it. But if I ever find myself writing at length about the glorious crucible that is hours of excruciating labor pains, hemorrhoids and torn vaginal walls, please feel free to say I told you so.
@Vera People always say that having children changes your life. I always thought they meant that in the abstract, capacity-to-love kind of way, but after observing parents in action, I figured out that they mean it literally, as in: you will be exhausted all the time!
Today my son threw a fit in the middle of the grocery store, and I tried to make him stop, while this ensued I looked around me and found women as well as men WITH their own crying children in tow had the audasity to stare and ask me to keep "that little brat" quiet! A woman actually told me if I couldn't handel my son to either leave him at home or she'd be happy to take care of it herself, I then invited her into the parking lot told the cashier to call 911 cause this bitch is gonna need it! As she lectured me on bad parenting her son got caught shoplifting! Is that Karma? I told her if she could fix her deliquent then maybe she could do something with the rest of us, until then shut the f**** up!
ReplyDeleteWoah, that is some seriously crazy stuff. I guess it's not love that's the battlefield, it's parenting!
ReplyDeletei agree. but i read something once where the writer said, "there are two of you, and you go into a room and there is a lot of screaming, and when you come out, there are three of you. and that third person doesn't go away." i think creating that third person out of thin air would be a serious mindfuck. i think if i ever do it i will be filled with anxiety and awe and ... maybe smug, probably too overwhelmed to be smug. who knows.
ReplyDelete(not that there has to be "two" in the room to usher in the "three." there can be 1 or ten or ...)
ReplyDeleteBabies aren't created out of thin air, exactly. It takes a little more than that. What it doesn't take is any special skill or talent.
ReplyDeleteThat the "third person never goes away" is but one of the many facets of parenthood I find wonky. I have a serious need for privacy, and having a tiny annoying person watching me pee would be tres annoying.
wait, they don't come from thin air? ha.
ReplyDelete-tarah
I know, I was pretty wigged when I learned that too. When a man loves a woman, he does what with his WHAT? And then there is screaming and blood and goo? And STRETCH MARKS?? Count me out.
ReplyDeleteWith you on the co worker bringing in babe stuff. I don't do other people's babies especially those I don't know. I have had three and wouldn't dare force my maternity on anyone who didn't feel comfortable with it. You know they don't instinctively anyway.
ReplyDeleteStop with this babies are everything nonsense. Some women have them. Hold the front page.
Indeed, Sally. Good to know the maternally inclined walk among we baby-shy.
ReplyDeletefrom an English POV ... Baby Showers WHAT!? What is this tradition and why does it continue? Who started it!? Why!?
ReplyDeleteJust a couple of days ago I went for lunch with my best friend and her 5 month old (beautiful) son, we barely speak for cooing, and when I tell her I think we should do something grown up, because I miss her, and we're clearly unable to hold conversation with baby in the room, she replies "Well I've got nothing else to talk about other than Noah so he might as well be here" ...
???
I'VE GOT STUFF TO TALK ABOUT!!!?
Ah, I love this post, Miss Sarah. You are a woman after my own heart. One of my good friends just got pregnant, and even I was shocked at my own dismay and downright disappointment in her for caving. I tried to convince her that despite what we've been told, I don't believe women are "here" to reproduce, but what can I say? That elusive, innate drive to motherhood caught another one. She was pretty pissed when all I said was "dude, another one bites the dust". Ah well. My quest to offend everyone around me continues...
ReplyDelete@Melanie You've illustrated exactly what can go wrong with women's friendships when one has a baby and the other doesn't. They often become crazy-lopsided, with the childless one offering to babysit and tolerating conversations that revolve around nothing but the other and her spawn.
ReplyDeleteOf course it's important to be a giver in a friendship, but the maternal among us need to remember that friendship is a two-way street, and everyone needs to have some grown-up time now and again.
I'm pretty sure they usually come around, though -- as in, your friend will eventually miss grown-up time, too, remember how much fun it was to hang out with you pre-baby, and arrange for a sitter!
@Prairie I love that response: "Dude, another one bites the dust."
ReplyDeleteI am so using that next time someone I know gets knocked up. Hilar!