Top 10 reasons you shouldn't be friends with me
- 10. I’m a grammar Nazi. This means that even if I don’t say anything, I am silently judging you just a little bit when you abuse an adverb.
- 9. I’m terrible at conversational segues, and prone to interruption.
- 8. I will get drunk and call you in the middle of the night. For no reason.
- 7. I will get bored and whiny if your party does not amuse me. This means I will probably get drunk in order to liven the place up.
- 6. Then I will make you drive me home.
- 5. If the ratio of people-I-don’t-know to people-I-know at your party is too lopsided, I will probably get bored and act spastic, embarrassing you in front of all your respectable friends.
- 4. I occasionally disappear from all social life, leaving nary a trace of my existence. I won’t return phone calls, text messages, or emails; I won’t leave the house or wash my hair.
Mostly I just lie on the couch in sweatpants and a fuzzy sweater, cradling a cup of swiftly cooling tea and telling my cat he’s the only one who understands.
- 3. I will insist that you make a big deal out of my birthday.
- 2. It will take you a really, really long time to break down my emotional walls.
- 1. I will demand an unnaturally high level of loyalty from you. You will be required to share my enmities, politely ignore my drunken phone calls and never, ever make fun of my hair.
Related:
Top 10 reasons you should be friends with me.
Sounds normal to me.. Hey remember that year that you made me my own dictionary of words I commonly misspelled.. hmmm
ReplyDeletewhy would we make fun of your hair anyway?
ReplyDeleteI don't even notice hair anymore anyway Amber.. I'm used to heading to the store with it unwashed and uncombed.. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI don't own a brush anymore, just a comb that I rarely use. Most of the time my fingers are the only grooming my hair gets.
ReplyDeleteIt's true... I gave up on #2. at some point loooong ago, and shifted you to my "pleasant acquaintance" list... ; )
ReplyDeleteJoAnna, do you still have the dictionary? I don't remember making it, but it sure seems like something I would do. And both Amber and JoAnna -- your comments and lack-of-caring about hair just further illustrates how awesome you two are! ^_^
ReplyDeleteMark - you are missing out on so much drunk-dialing fun!
Do you know how many people drunk dial me on the average week? You'd think I was a suicide prevention hot-line... and I work at 7 a.m.!! ; )
ReplyDeleteI think we are not as finicky about our hair as those who didn't grow up in the PNW when Nirvana and grunge were king. Taking a page from your last blog post: I blame the grunge music scene for my lack of personal style...and my inability to brush my hair.
ReplyDeletehehe
ReplyDeleteWith the exception of number 4, I count these all as reasons why I'm bummed we fell out of touch and live so far apart. Especially the drunken spastic party behavior, as your actions might draw attention away from my personal brand of sarcasm-verging-on-abuse drunkenness.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been able to read the post because your picture is way too freaky.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the cat IS the only one who understands... especially if you're upset about kitty litter and trying to get into the cupboard without your owner noticing.
ReplyDeleteApparently, all the other comments are from your actual friends. But hey! I'm drunk and not deterred from wanting to be your friend! Yeehaw.
ReplyDelete(/creepy)
Wahoo! I'm glad my idiosyncracies laid bare don't deter folks from wanting to make my acquaintance. Want to be friends? You can drunk-dial me! Or drunk-comment me, as the case may be.
ReplyDelete