- What is the worst thing someone has ever said/done to you on the street/in public?
- What's the funniest?
- Is there any kind of street harassment that's OK or tolerable?
- Have you ever fought/talked/holla'd back to a street harasser? What happened next?
Friday, November 4, 2011
Weekend Open Thread: Street Harassment Edition
It's Friday, so it's Weekend Open Thread time! Talk amongst yourselves about whatever you please in the comments. I'll give you a topic: Street harassment! Yayyyy! Some questions to get you started:
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Fiiiiiirst!
ReplyDeleteThe "city face" link reminds me of this wonderful post, and the quote "Smiling at dominant people is a submissive gesture":
ReplyDeletehttp://www.le-champignon.net/blog/2011/02/dear-men-who-instruct-women-theyve-never-met-to-smile/
Yes, I get it because southerners can be assholes and I don't give attention to men which seems to irk them. Once in a Kroger parking lot I snapped and hollered at 2 guys in a truck who were harassing me, "bring it bitch. What's the matter you scared to get out of your little pussy truck? Oh look here's security come to save your pasty asses." I went off.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there's any ok harassment. My rule is straight from LaVey: When walking in open territory bother no one. I hate people who do that kind of thing. I once had a guy try to pick me up as I was walking my dog with my daughter. I tried to be nice but I finally stopped and turned and said "look, I'm out for a stroll with my kid, you have no right to my attention you need to drive on before I call neighborhood security." He seemed offended which to me just confirms everything bad I think about men. I hear it's really bad in NY.
What harley.quin said. Compulsory smiling is the gender equivalent of saluting higher-ranking people in the armed forces: "salute the uniform, not the man," i.e. acknowledge your subordinate status even if the individual concerned is a shithead. Street harassment is how men assert control over public space and remind women that they can pass through it unharmed only because the men let them. That's why (IMO) there's no "right" response: nothing you do, including trying to ignore them, changes the power inequality that's being enforced.
ReplyDeleteFollowing harley.quin:
ReplyDeletehttps://twitter.com/#!/mimismartypants/status/26769788621
A million times yes. I pretty much glower at anyone I make eye contact with while I'm walking around. So much for my socialization as a woman or a Midwesterner.
Jenni: Scary! Yeah, it's pretty amazing how cranky people can get when they feel entitled to your time and attention, and you don't give it to them. Cranky being the nice adjective. I've not experienced a wink of street harassment in NY. Quite possibly due to the CityFace.
ReplyDeleteharley.quin & John: The "smiling at dominant people is a submissive gesture" is the perfect explanation for that - I feel like I've tried to describe it 1,000 times and never done as good a job as the woman from that blog.
ReplyDeleteAlso, this: Street harassment is how men assert control over public space and remind women that they can pass through it unharmed only because the men let them. Yes, yes, yes. Because there is no other reason for them to do it - it's not like they're going to get a girlfriend via street harassment, or even get laid. It's just a power thing.
The worst experience was the first I can remember, and there's probably a connection -- realizing for the first time my vulnerability, and that random men DID want to victimize me and make me feel disgusting. I was fourteen and riding the underground early in the afternoon to ballet. I was on the second car of the train and it was empty except for me and one other person, a creepy stoned-looking guy sitting just across from me who pantomimed cunnilingus at me for the duration of the trip.
ReplyDeleteMy workplace this summer had a lot of homeless men hanging/sleeping around it who made crude comments to me often, so I got quite practiced at quick retorts. Definitely a skill worth having.
Ewwwww to the stoned guy. He needed a good smack in the head, IMO. The world is such an awful place sometimes.
ReplyDeleteTeach me your quick-retort skills? I always think of comebacks three or four hours (or days, or years...) later, much after they'd be of any use. Phooey.
Yes, yes, I relate to that, so pre-pick some retorts flexible enough that you won't have to improvise. Mine are:
ReplyDelete*"That's actually NOT MY NAME."
*"Did I ask for your opinion?"
*and the all-purpose "Excuse me?"
Add a good dose of righteous indignation and laser eyes and you're set.